a new level

i hear the white noise of your cordless phone
prevailing
it is the foreground, and center of our conversation
because your silence gives it emphasis
and my excitement and my trust and my view of us
are squelched
firmly
by your silence
we used to be able to talk about these things
a year ago you would have been
happy, for me and shared in my excitement
and made stupid jokes about my stories, but now
only silence
so i understand that things have changed
between us
damn you for changing
without telling me first
damn you for not warning me
so that i wouldn’t find out in this way
damn you for the slap in the face
of your self-driven double-standard
and damn you for your cold
cold
heartless distance
and your icy silence

long distance

cold
dark
still
stale air fills my lungs
stale air rests on my cheeks
i see the ridges that are my arms
my legs, my hands, my feet
coexisting beneath my blanket

my heart beats slowly
without sound
the room is still
red numbers on the alarm clock
burn away long into the night
my bed is cold
and much too large
for just me
but much too small
for the thoughts in my head
and the weight in my heart
my body lies heavy

my body lies lukewarm
and in flashes
i see his smitten smile and the ceiling behind it
then i feel his warm weight on top of mine
and his soft breath on my cheek
and his strong arms
surrounding,
protecting
from the
cold
dark
still
stale,
and gathering and becoming part of my coexisting body
making whole.  making right.
and so i wait
with salty streaks that run to my ears
watching the red numbers burn long into the night